“Being Respectful”
In part 1 we discussed removing the sense of urgency in conflict. After we remove the sense of urgency we can be more conscious of how we are treating the person we are in conflict with. Part 2 is about being respectful in our conflicts.
How we resolve conflict is usually more important than the actual conflict itself. When we say hurtful things during conflict we only complicate the process. What are tone and body language communicate can be more hurtful than our words. Being respectful requires us to have control of our tongue and body language. If you’re like me, one bad look from my wife and I immediately begin to build my rebuttal argument as if I am in court. Instead of thinking through your rebuttal response, ask yourself what respect looks like in the situation and demonstrate it.
When we are treated respectfully we are more likely to return the favor. Unfortunately, the opposite is true as well. When we are disrespected we are quick to return the insult. You are more likely to resolve conflict if you don’t have to wade through a sea of insults. Stay focused and re-direct the conversation back to the original subject. Most conflicts turn into fights when they part from the original subject and pull in other “issues” that are seemingly unrelated. As a therapist, I know they are often related, but you will have a difficult time resolving any of them if you throw them all on the table at once.
When you treat each other respectfully during conflict you leave a good taste in your mouth for the next conflict. Conflict doesn’t have to be something you avoid at all costs. If you “avoid” conflict regularly, most likely resentment will build because you are not being real with yourself or your spouse. Be intentional and respectful as you look to resolve conflict.
Conflict Resolution · Josh Emery · Marital Conflict · Marriage Counseling · Parenting