“Strive for Resolution v. Winning”
In part 1 we discussed how to remove the sense of urgency in our conflicts. Part 2 we discussed how being respectful during conflict can be more important than the actual conflict itself. Part 3 we conclude with a perspective that strives for resolution versus winning.
How often do we argue our point in order to win a conflict instead of taking into account the person we love and what they want? I know I have really struggled with this at times. In order for our relationships to grow and become stronger we have to make attempts to connect. Conflict provides a great platform for two people to connect as conflict usually entails an emotional transaction. Hurt feelings can pave the way for healing and forgiveness. Truly resolving conflict can create a powerful bond in your marriage that will help you to weather the storms that lie ahead.
To drive the point home further I want to give you two types of people in a conflict. One is a peacekeeper and the other is a warrior. Both are passionate about there agenda. Both want to see their values win out.
A peacekeeper is someone who looks for commonality. They are someone who believes life is better when we are at peace. A peacekeeper needs to be able to see both sides of a conflict and be persuasive in negotiations. A peacekeeper believes that the two parties are stronger together than apart.
The warrior, on the other hand, looks to exploit the weaknesses of the other party. The warrior sets their eyes on winning, with little concern for the cost. When we “win” an argument, but hurt our spouse in the process, we don’t really win anything. If the warrior “wins” they will most likely have an enemy that will be looking for redemption. The warrior is isolated after a “victory” because of the way in which they won. The warrior is usually very driven to win and is passionate in their pursuit.
Emulate the warrior’s passion and the peacekeeper’s ability to resolve. Be assertive in resolving conflict without being hurtful. Pursue without attacking. Speak your mind and your heart in a way that allows your spouse to hear it. Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war. Your marriage is a lifelong commitment that will have many battles – strive to win the war by resolving conflict effectively by; removing the sense of urgency, treating each other respectfully and being committed to resolving instead of winning.
Conflict Resolution · Josh Emery · Marital Conflict · Marriage Counseling · Parenting